There are no "negative" experiences

fear, anxiety, and, feeling "off" are illusions

I feel weird right now.

Instead of resisting, suppressing, or solving it, I'm going to bring awareness to it.

I am feeling weird. I'm not attached to that. In fact, I hardly even feel weird anymore.

Oftentimes when I'm not at my peak I beat myself up as I am so self-aware that it sometimes harms me, even though it’s always positive over time. I am so grateful for my self-awareness because it leads me to be the amazing person I am. But being amazing 100% of the time is an unwise assumption — And one that I still make.

I used to be a perfectionist, like the common perfectionism — Needing the handwriting to look good, the sentence to be perfect, or the task to be done in a hyper-specific way. Now I have grown out of that, but shifted to a different form of perfectionism:

Perfection over the self.

I am so specific and picky when it comes to how I spend my time, what I'm giving to my body, where my thoughts are, and especially how my energy is vibrating. If any of those things aren't perfect, I fixate on it and throw myself into an echo chamber telling myself “I'm better than this”, but that isn't particularly true.

Rather than “I'm better than this”, I can correct it to “I have experienced moments different than this one, but there is no better or worse.”

It all happens for a reason. Every experience, memory, and feeling are here to serve our highest selves. So even in moments where I don't feel my greatest self, that is an illusion because it is serving my highest state — Even if the feelings aren't there.

This ultimately comes down to trusting God. Am I really of the authority to question the experiences and feelings God has given me? No. Not at all.

I won't hold the double standard. I trust and love that He gives me good happy experiences, but question and resist the “bad” ones. That double standard is not one that aligns with me. I have come to fully love each moment and feeling unconditionally, knowing that God's love is backing it all.

Feeling weird, judgmental, jealous or misunderstood are not bad things — They are only tools I can use to learn and grow. As long as it comes from a place of love and integrity.

Thank you God.